The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" // Mark 9:24

THE WAITING GAME // Carly Farmer

What I’ve learnt over the past few months is that even when you’re trusting the Lord for provision in your life, the world and the enemy can still creep in, pouring doubt into your bucket of faith. 

I traveled abroad this past fall, and before I returned I prepared myself for all the options of being home. I could get a new job within a few days, right? Or I might be searching for a while—but only a few weeks, I’m sure. I could pick up relationships where they left off, or maybe they’d be a little different. I could breeze back into serving at church or feel a tad isolated. I might easily lose the Italian pasta and French croissant weight or have the holidays lock it in a standstill. I prepped myself with logic.

Through all of my preparation and expectation management, I completely forgot to pray and sit in His stillness. Don’t get me wrong, I talked at God, and I told Him what was up. I explained to Him that I knew chances were that it would be harder than I thought, but that if most things went according to plan, then I would be just dandy. Oh, how our Father must look at us as we scramble to put our lives back together without asking and allowing Him to intercede. 

As we worshiped at team night a few weeks ago, I felt the Lord speak to me louder than I have in years. His presence was so tangible; I couldn’t hold back the tears as they fell down my cheeks. He told me very clearly that He knew I was learning how to surrender myself to Him completely and to discover the power of His Love. But how could I be aware of His peaceful embrace but still struggle with the anxious feelings of uncertainty? He was teaching me how to surrender, but that meant that I actually had to let go and let God. Surrendering hurt; it didn’t feel comfortable to unpry my grasp and stop trying to control my life. I was still allowing the static of the world to flood my mind with images of how my life should look and where I should be in my career, in my body, in my relationship status and in my prayer life. 

The Static series has shone so much light on the little ways I have been holding back from Jesus. "We can easily become so focused on getting our earthly lives together that we miss the point of salvation completely. We struggle and resist because we still want it our way, and we tuck away certain things we don’t truly believe God can handle. We go to Him in prayer not surrendering to His will, but pleading for desires and worldly success. We are living narrow-minded, thinking about our 5-year plans, instead of focused on the promise of eternity. But life is too short not to let God in. Let us instead be confident in the Father’s will for our lives, so that He can flood our hearts with grace and we can overflow His love into our city.

Do not be discouraged while you are waiting on the Lord. He will always come through as He molds your life to reflect His love.