How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with You. // Psalms 139:17-18


I've spent most of my adult life working with children, and I've seen the lasting effects of traumatizing moments leave imprints on their lives. I think in a way God has given me children as mirrors—because I was a child very much shaped by the words, thoughts and opinions of others. As a result I had this very tangible fear of being abandoned by my parents. I really lived my childhood through books so I specifically remember reading stories about children doing terrible things and being given away by their parents. These stories translated into nightmares where my parents would leave me in public places because I was a bad child.

I carried this crippling fear well into my adult life, terrified and immobilized by others’ opinions. But something really shifted in my thought life on Sunday as Pastor Josh was speaking about accepting God’s words.

God’s thoughts towards me and my nightmares were not designed to coexist. Acceptance speaks to the favorable reception or adoption of something. Acceptance is something that involves you actively taking on something. Accepting His thoughts is more then just knowing them—it is having them ingrained into the fibers of who you are. But it doesn’t come naturally for us to fathom or comprehend His thoughts towards us. Accepting something is a process, one that requires action. I must continually accept them as new each day. I must renew my mind daily where I have no doubt let my own thoughts overpower His.

I've wasted so much of my time with the troubling specificity of my own thoughts, rather than adopting His thoughts and allowing them to override my own thoughts. 

I sat in the service this Sunday so moved by the words from the psalmist: that when I sleep and even as I wake, He is thinking about me, that the Subject of my thought, God, is never exhausted. He doesn't tire thinking about me, and His precious and innumerable thoughts are towards me just as they are towards you.