“For whoever wants to save his life will loose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” Luke 9:24
RESTING IN TRUE IDENTITY // Elizabeth Grzebielucha
The best word I can use to describe the past year of my life is: restless. It's been a constant battle in my mind of what I should be doing, how I should be doing it, and when things should be happening. It wasn’t until I redefined where my “should” was coming from and the “I” that was constantly following it that I was finally able to be at peace. I had to let go of the world and the desire to please the people in it in order to find true rest.
I had the revelation of who Jesus was in my life, I understood the failure that I encompass, and embraced the fact that He has qualified me with His love. So why did I still have this battle going on in my heart and head? It's because I had not submitted my pride, I had not given into the submission that sets our souls free. I was stunted by the fear of never wanting to let anyone down or truly let anyone in.
How wonderful is it to think and meditate on the fact that the only perfect person in all of humanity took on all of our sins, all of the gut-wrenching, hidden shame from our deepest corners, and covered it will all encompassing love! What a blessing it is to know that Jesus loves us so much and is so confident in our futures that he would die for our salvation.
Sunday night was the kiss at the end of a love letter God had been writing to me. I had been challenged and God was pursuing me in the last month more than I ever could have imagined. I had walls that needed to come down, and I needed to make a stand and fight for the life Jesus had laid out for me, the life He died for me to have. I had to take steps out into deep vulnerability, and fall into all that Jesus has been romancing me with.
Getting the chance to know Jesus and have the revelation of who He is has completely changed the direction of my life and how I am living it, but getting to the point of true intimacy with the Holy Spirit was something that I always approached with caution. I was so afraid of giving up a life that I had built and spent so much time sowing into. I was stunted by what others might think. But the second that my heart was opened up to the Holy Spirit, I knew in the deepest part of my heart that life would never be the same. I could never go on living in the same way as before. I knew all would be transformed.
This past month I was finally broken, and broken in the best way. I was drawn to a place where there was no other option than to put all of my trust in God. I realized that I was trying to carry myself through life; that I was relying on my own strength and that I saw asking for help as weakness. I came face to face with how big my failure is, and the fact that I was putting my pride higher than anything else.
Jesus took on all of our sin so we could have a close personal relationship with God. We do not need to carry our shame and our sin because Jesus has chosen to carry it for us. He has given us the freedom to rest in Him by denying ourselves. Having and living with the Holy Spirit may be one of the most vulnerable moves that a person can make, but it so very vital to our being and living in the light. Life has been opened up and I have been set free.